So… what if I just trust my female intuition?
Here’s what I came up with…
I’m 30-something and single. I’ve had some good relationships and some really $#itty ones. What made the good ones good? The guys, of course. What about them, though? I mean, there was a great “us” but I’m trying to limit it to just the guys.
- They treated me really well and respected my opinion
- They wouldn’t keep me guessing, and I knew I could count on him
- They might not always say the right thing but his actions proved how much he loved me
- They tried to never say mean things about other people
- I knew they accepted me just the way I am and even loved my faults
- They would always stand up for me no matter who it was
And what about the losers?
- They knew the lines and knew how to charm me (and I still can’t believe I fell for that!)
- They were selfish: put themselves first, ahead of me, ahead of anyone else
- They were not really mean guys and some were nice, but they never really intended to stay around very long - they were out for themselves (sounding familiar?)
- They would tell me whatever I wanted to hear - at the moment - then I'd catch them in a lie and they'd change their story until I finally caught on months later
- When things started going bad, they were full of excuses that I wanted to believe them even though I knew better
So this is what I came up with…
Basically I already assume we’ll have chemistry or I wouldn’t even consider him. But for the long haul, I want a man who is going to love me and who will stand by me to the very end, no matter how hard it is. I want a man whom I can love madly and passionately through the good times. The difference is that only a special man will have the staying power to suffer through the really hard times. In a nutshell, I’ll know I can trust him. I’ve had a lot of heartbreaks, and I’ve had boyfriends when I always worried where he was, with whom, what he was doing…
In a husband, when I walk down the aisle, I’ll know that he’s going to stick with me until the very end.
So (deep breath!) what it boils down to, is this…
I've come to realize that I probably won't be able to tell what's the truth and what's lies, and I'm not going to rely on the news for this election. I'm going to use my heart - my female wisdom.
About Iraq… I know that today I feel safe, and I won’t ever forget what I saw on t.v. on 9/11. I do know I never want to see anything like that again for myself, my friends, my family, or my kids when I have them. I have a distant relative in the Army and a friend of an ex in the Air Force, and they tell me very different stories about Iraq from what I hear on the news, so I take everything with a grain of salt that I see on t.v. or hear on the radio.
But the real bottom line is this – we really don’t know the future. When I get married I will hope for a white picket fence, a dog in the yard, two or three kids… and in the back of my mind I know that life can be full of surprises, good and bad. I want a wonderful man beside me whom I love and respect and I know I can trust so we can make it through.
Somehow, after all that, I know that I really don’t like him that much, and he’s definitely not my type. But of the two, I trust George Bush more. I have really tried to trust John Kerry, but it just doesn’t click. I can’t really explain it. Maybe it’s an intuition thing.
George Bush is not, by any stretch, the best president I’ve seen, and actually he’s pretty darned mediocre. But you know, he doesn’t brag about himself (insecure men brag about themselves - this I know!), he’s pretty simple, and he’s basically a good guy. He seems decent, and what makes the main difference is how much he loves and respects Laura – and listens to her. He really needs her and you can tell. And it’s pretty obvious how much she admires him. If they can keep their marriage and family together, and after all those years, he still has that sparkle in his eye for his wife – then that speaks volumes. I saw it myself on t.v. No debate commentator has to tell me that. And I had a hard time with Kerry talking about marrying up and then talking about his mom (Mama's boy?! - I've seen this before, too!).
Anyway, if Bush can keep his life together after everything that’s happened - keep his marriage intact and his wife happy, that’s all I need to know. I trust the guy, even if I don’t like him that much – and he gets my vote. I hope when I'm married if my husband makes public appearances, that he'll talk about me like that.
Pretty good common sense there. Another point that most women (should!) know is that you don't marry a guy hoping he'll change. What you see is what you get. Andrew Sullivan, are you listening?