It’s hard to explain the phenomenon, but I’m a little horrified to tell you that in his way Cheney is well, a rock star. Yes. He has that quality. Had I not seen it with my own eyes, felt the heat with my own body, I’d not believe it. Because television is not particularly kind to Cheney. He appears rather craven, hulking, cold. Icily authoritative, and laughably pompous. A know-it-all who’s often wrong. But on that stage, in person, with the hot lights blazing and the jumpy, patriotic country-rock music blaring and the beat-beat thumping, he comes across well, the words that spring to mind are debonair dashing weirdly sexy blechhhhhh!!!
I can’t believe I just said that. And yet, it’s true. Cheney has sex appeal with women. Men stare at him in envy and awe. And not just women you’d expect, like your mom or grandma. Cheney connects with babes. And makes them blush and flush and cry with joy or something. Oh blechhhh! And yet, it’s true. I drove, I arrived, I saw with my own eyes.
Boustany’s new best friend bounded onto the stage and then that rush! That rapture! And the deafening applause.
“I haven’t felt this good since we beat John Kerry!” Cheney growled, and the crowd roared approvingly. Immediately after Cheney’s speech, the press escaped its little pen to cross over to the other stage to get more views of Cheney now on the ground, working the crowd. Being new at this, I didn’t move fast enough and, separated from the pack, found myself in the middle of this thrashing, shouting throng all moving toward Cheney and eerily chanting his name. Cheney, ringed by secret service men, had his hands outstretched, and women were screaming and blushing and sobbing and saying, “I’ve just been touched by Cheney!!” Touched by Cheney!! And then their women friends came over and somberly embraced them. I was kind of stunned for a moment, thought it just might be one or two very slightly hysterical women overreacting, but no, there were so many...and they were asking each other things like, “What did it feel like?” and saying, “He smiled at me!!!” and “Oh, oh, oh!” in ways that really shouldn’t be in a family newspaper.