An apparently confidential IPO found its way to me and I reckoned it was worth sharing: it's an IPO for the U.S. Government, underwritten by Goldman Sachs:
THIS IS NOT A SOLICITATION TO PURCHASE OFFERED SECURITIES, BUT YOU'D BEEN A COMPLETE MORON IF YOU PASSED UP THIS GOLDMAN, OOPS, GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.
In conjunction with its junior underwriting partners (international banks), Goldman Sachs is pleased to offer shares in a unique initial public offering: the Federal Government of the United States of America.
As proxy owner of the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury, Goldman Sachs is in a unique position to realize the full value of owning shares in the U.S. Government, as Goldman Sach's proxy ownership has yielded astounding profits.
The U.S. Government (USAG) has a number of features which offer investors extraordinarily unique long-term opportunities. As the sole global empire, the USAG has an unmatched ability to obtain, borrow, connive, plunder, discount or otherwise control key assets such as the largest remaining reserves of fossil fuels (Mideast) and surplus capital (China's foreign reserves).
The USAG does have substantial liabilities which carry significant risks to investors. However, Goldman Sachs believes these unfunded liabilities in the approximate range of $50 to $75 trillion can be set aside in favor of the $23 trillion in profits to the banking and investment sectors which are flowing from the TARP and other bailout programs designed and managed by Goldman Sach proxies in the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury.
As the most significant unfunded liabilities, Social Security and Medicare, are sliding irrevocably into insolvency, Goldman Sachs believes these liabilities can be jettisoned by legislative actions taken by its proxies in Congress and regulatory actions taken by its proxies in the Executive, Treasury and Judicial branches of the USAG. This will free the revenues streams generated by taxation to flow directly into the owners of the USAG, Goldman Sachs, its international bank partners and shareholders in this IPO.
Although the underwriters (Goldman Sachs and partners) anticipate a steady flow of profits from the $23 trillion being funneled into bailouts and backstops, other significant if unlikely risks include thermonuclear war due to Imperial over-reach, the financial destruction of middle class taxpayers, and insurrection of the debt-serfs who constitute the majority of citizens living under the control of the USAG.
The IPO also offers unmatched opportunities for global exploitation and profits as a result of alliances and agreements with other cartels such as the Peoples Republic of China, the European Union, the Union of Oil Kleptocracies and other international organizations whch control and exploit the planet's populace and resources.
Large shareholders in the USAG will also gain other substantial benefits such as access to heavily fortified islands in the Caribbean and Pacific and special status in Switzerland.
Private junkets on Imperial cruisers and aircraft carriers will also be available by invitation to selected shareholders.
This offering and all subsequent actions of the U.S. Government will be under the management of Goldman Sachs and its international partners.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
If It Really Were A Good Investment, Why Would They Let Someone Else In On It?
But they're trying anyway: