An Allegory

The atheist supremacists plotting to desecrate the Eucharist seem to be utterly uncomprehending of the nature of what it is they are planning to do. This nature obtains, regardless of one's belief about transubstantiation. I would certainly hope that, if an analogous action were carried out against our Jewish brethren, folks (including university administrators) would be able to clearly discern the nature of the offense. I would hope that the revolting and bigoted nature of the planned actions (and their rationalizations) would be quite manifest. Why it isn't manifest in the case of Catholics being treated this way is a mystery to me. Hence I offer the following allegory from a parallel world:

There was a university student who was upset that campus funds were going to religious organizations. So he went with his friend to the next synagogue service, and in the middle of it, made a show of unwrapping a BLT, and passing half of it to his friend. They began to eat. Many of the attendees were incensed. An old lady even grabbed his arm and pulled him out the front door. Some of the concerned attendees contacted Abe Foxman of the ADL, who put out a press release that this was the beginning of a new Holocaust. In response the student put out the word that he'd been jumped by a bunch of Jewish thugs when he was just trying to eat his lunch. He has a right to eat his lunch.

Regrettably, (if the student is to be believed), some of the Jews made death threats against him. Such death threats, obviously, are wrong, and completely unjustifiable.

Biology professor P.C. Mired got wind of all of this and became even more outraged than his usual baseline level. On his blog Uvula he stated that he had had it up to here with Jewish irrationality and militancy. He'd be damned if he was going to accede to their demands that he keep kosher, and he intended to demonstrate his support for anyone to eat his lunch wherever he damn well pleased. It was high time to teach the Jewish thugs a lesson.

He asked his readers to send him 50 BLTs, which he intended to take to the synagogue and pass out during the next service. He then intended to eat five of them in front of everyone, maybe ten if he had a light breakfast that day, which he just might do. Of course it was implicit that none of his readers were expected to go to their local synagogues and do anything similar (wink-wink, nudge-nudge). And of course he'd put it all up on YouTube. And if any Jewish thug tried to interfere with his right to have his lunch and hand out sandwiches free of charge, well he'd show 'em his metaphorical brass knuckles.

Many of his thoughtful readers told of how they intended to bring BLTs with avocado and maybe even some polish sausages or pork chops. The Jewish thugs would be shown exactly what everyone thought about their demands that everyone else keep kosher.

His readers and supporters brilliantly argued that Mired was doing the correct thing. No one's right to eat his lunch should be messed with by Jewish thugs. No one should be forced to keep kosher. And if the ungrateful Jews don't appreciate free sandwiches, well, they can stuff it! His supporters gleefully hoped that they could start a movement. If every synagogue service could have BLTs consumed, perhaps the idiot Jewish thugs would finally see how wrong they are and give up their asinine 3000 year old kosher delusion. They'd see that YHWH wouldn't strike you with lightning for the crime of enjoying a delicious sandwich. And they'd finally stop trying to force the rest of us to keep kosher.

Soon, his band of freethinking followers, in a glorious lockstep, came up with a clever slogan to answer--no--annihilate the contemptible foolishness of the illegitimate Jewish complaints: "It's just a goddamned sandwich, people!" Many of them were even broadminded enough to concede that if it could be scientifically shown that pork products were more blasphemous than any other food, then they would be happy to relent. Until then, as any fair-minded person not blinded by religious prejudice could see, synagogues were fair game.

Of course, Mired's university saw no problem with any of this, because it was just a bunch of whiny Jews, people have the right to eat their lunch in peace, and, hey, academic freedom.

And an added bonus: The prestige of the field of evolutionary biology grew by leaps and bounds.


just to get this indexed:
myers eucharist cracker desecration wafer