Friday, February 03, 2006

There's A Republikkkan Boot On My Neck!

Some satire from John Hawkins.


Over at the liberal blog, Seeing the Forest, blogger Dave Johnson is apparently feeling frightened, offended, and downright threatened by the Pentagon denouncing that offensive Tom Toles cartoon in the WAPO.

Just look at this hilariously over-the-top response:

"This is THE MILITARY DIRECTLY THREATENING A NEWSPAPER on behalf of the Republican Party. This is WAYYYY beyond unprecedented. This is past "find a safe refuge in Canada" time. This is a serious WATCH YOUR BACKS!!!!"


Well, for once, the libs were right because that was Dave's last post on Seeing the Forest. You see, shortly after that post was detected by a super secret NSA program designed to root out dissent, Dave was whisked off to Guantanamo Bay where he was stuck in a cell with 3 large, angry Jihadis responsible for a decapitation in Iraq. Unfortunately, mere hours later, the Jiahdis claimed Dave's constant cries of, "Save me, Howard Dean," constituted torture and in order to shut them up, Dave was moved into a cell with Barbra Streisand and Noam Chomsky.

Now, you might be surprised to know that Noam Chomsky and Streisand are both at Gitmo, but they were both rounded up as part of the new, "Freedom, Patriotism, Mother, and Apple Pie," Act which was passed in the dead of night, two days ago with 55 Republicans voting, "aye," and no Democrats present.

Under the, "Freedom, Patriotism, Mother, and Apple Pie," Act, all liberals are to be rounded up and tossed in "Freedom Camps" run by National Camp Director Ann Coulter. All liberals lucky enough to be sent away will be exposed to blaring videos featuring clips of Ronald Reagan speeches, Pat Robertson sermons, Patriotic Music, the Left Behind movies, and the Dr. Laura show until they become more of what we like to think of as, Freedomillicious!

Now some of you may be wondering why the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy waited this long to start rounding up liberals. Well, there were two reasons. We had to wait until the conservatives took over in Canada, so they could capture any liberals who fled there. Also, it took longer than expected to get lists of all the registered gun owners in America.

Oh, but why do we need the lists of registered gun owners? So we can arrest everybody else!

[more follows]

Hawkins also posts this unrelated, but quite amusing third party satire.

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