How To Quell Conservative Anger

Good parody. It begins:

Conservatives are very angry these days. I haven’t seen conservatives this angry since the last time a Democrat was president. So the anger is probably because the president is black. While that might not seem so bad, conservative anger could lead to something disastrous: their mobilizing to vote against Democrats.

If that occurs, what happens to the Democrats’ dream of spending lots of money on seemingly random things? One day the American people will become enlightened enough to surrender democracy to their betters, who would give them such rewards as free (FREE!) health care, but until then conservative anger has to be dealt with. If not, crazy people like Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck will force absolutely anyone who happens to be an avowed Communist out of public office.

Despite the apparent menace, imprisonment of conservatives for their dangerous attitudes is not yet an option (we’ll be pushing that bill right before the midterm elections). Thus we must make other efforts to quell conservative anger. Here are some ideas...