Friday, September 09, 2005

Stick With The Side That Can Do An Accurate Imitation Of The Other

Pretty good rule, since the side that can generally understands both sides of the argument and has probably thereby thought things through. A case in point is this contest over at Wizbang. The rules:

With that information in hand you're now ready to write your Daily Kos or Atrios post that answers the "Can you imagine how it would have been perceived.." portion of the article.

For the sake of your post assume that Bush did invoke the Insurrection Act and seized control of the Louisiana National Guard. Your assignment is to describe that historic takeover in the style of either Kos or Atrios.

Go ahead, unleash your inner moonbat in the comment section. The winning entry will be rewarded semi-handsomely ($50).

Some pretty good entries [and please see the originals to appreciate the deft use of moonbat-style italics and bolding; I started to try to include these in the second example, but there was just too much]:

And so we finally have it. We've known for a long time that the depravity of Bushco has no bounds, but now it's on display for the whole world to see. If this doesn't wake 'em up, then it'll just be to hell with all of them, because they won't deserve anything but what they get from their Dear Leader.

This is really it, folks. They've overplayed their hand. When the pictures come out of Karl's Krazy Korpsman actually shooting the po' negroes, when there are so many bodies clogging the streets of New Orleans that you'll see it on Google Maps' satellite pictures, when the stories come out of the gestapo tactics, of everything we've known they were capable of for the last five years, it'll all be over.

They thought this was the moment they had been waiting for. They didn't realize that this is the call, this is the moment that WE'VE been waiting for.

In usurping the sovereignity of the State of Louisiana, in casting aside the authority of a LEGALLY ELECTED GOVERNOR, in violating one of the basic precepts of our Democracy by using combat troops within our borders, Bushco has decreed that Democrats, women, minorities and everyone who values their Constitutional rights are a lower form of life.

This is the battle cry, people. It's going to get ugly. They just weathered a storm down there. It's time to get ready for the next storm. The real storm.

Thoughts on how you can prepare for the invasion in theresmoreville...
Posted by: roland at September 9, 2005 07:46 AM

In the unlikely event I win, please send the $50 directly to the Red Cross...

(deep breath)

Well, now it all makes sense.

With his war on the environment, Chimpy ensured there would be plenty more "natural" disasters of unimaginable proportions. Many of these would strike helpless overseas victims, already impoverished by his imperialist policies, but they were not the real targets - just "collateral damage". The real target was us.

With his war for oil, he removed the state National Guard from the picture, sending them off to the other side of the world where they couldn't possibly do their primary job of waiting for hurricanes. Once the cats were away, the rats could play.

With his war on the poor, he created a vast multitude of helpless fodder who would be unable to afford a car to get out of the way when disaster loomed, or afford the exorbitant gas prices that were lining the pockets of his oil buddies even if they had one. Instead, they would be forced to forage for the food and water his policies stole from them. The wingnuts on CNN and Fox would, according to script, call this "looting" instead. The wealthiest 1%, on the other hand, had no problem thanks to their tax cuts.

When disaster struck, everyone had their orders. Why else would a State of Emergency be declared days before the hurricane even made landfall, and before the extent of the damage was clear? This is the smoking gun people.

But there's much more. We now know that Bush personally called the governor to urge a mandatory evacuation, two days the storm hit. Now why would he do that? New Orleans is 2/3's African American. So it couldn't have been to save lives. Is anyone naive enough to believe that? No, it was to create a huge diaspora of refugees, overwhelming the city and state's resources. Those overwhelmingly African-American refugees would be welcomed into the solidly red state of Texas, where they would be effectively disenfranchised for the foreseeable future. There is another name for it: ethnic cleansing.

To their credit, the mayor and governor refused to take the bait. Under pressure from Bush, the mayor ordered a mandatory evacuation, but cleverly held back the city's large transportation pool, which could have allowed Bush's ploy to succeed. The governor delayed calling in National Guard troops, who, like the Clone Army in Revenge of the Sith, might have received "Order 69" and turned on her at any moment. Governor Blanco's cool grace under pressure and refusal to yield has earned her a place alongside Saddam Hussein, Abu-Musab al-Zarqawi and myself in the pantheon of freedom fighters.

But Nagin and Blanco's heroism wasn't enough. Even before the winds had died down, FEMA commando teams began the federal assault. They had prepositioned food, water and medical supplies. Sound familiar? Well of course it does. They did the same thing in Kuwait before toppling another sovereign, democratically elected government in Iraq. Practice makes perfect, and they left nothing to chance in this invasion.

Bush's media puppets continued to follow the script. They hyped images of people trapped in Superdome and at the New Orleans convention center, whipping up a frenzy of hysteria. These peoples' lives were in no danger, and in the wake of such a massive storm, everyone would have understood if they'd had to wait a few days for evacuation. But the Fuhrer had other plans.

Quoting legal mumbo-jumbo, mouthing laughable platitudes about wanting to save lives and restore order, and claiming the state's response (which on September 1 just four days after the storm had barely gotten started) to be inadequate, the trap was sprung. Against the wishes of (another) democratically elected government, Bush sent in the Army to "save" helpless, dark-skinned people who just happen to live next to a whole bunch of oil. He invaded Louisiana.

Even Hitler waited longer after the Reichstag fire.

With ruthless efficiency, FEMA and the butchers of Abu Ghraib and Gitmo now descended on an American city, with an African-American mayor, in a state governed by a woman. Would Bush and company have been so eager to rush battalions of goose-stepping storm troopers into a city full of white people? You know the answer to that one.

His legal fig leaf for this act of war on American citizens was a dusty statute called "The Insurrection Act" dating from the Civil War era. It allows the President to invade a state with Federal troops if the state rebels. That's right folks - a hurricane is now an insurrection.

If we allow this to happen, we deserve our fate. But we will NOT allow this to happen. What has to happen next is obvious.

The people still in New Orleans should stay where they are and refuse to leave the city. There are no "looters" now, they are insurgents. Once a few hundred martyrs, preferably minorities, have fallen to Bush's army in front of the TV cameras, the facade of "saving lives" and "restoring order" will be exposed.

The governor must order the state's police to resist and block the flow of supplies to Bush's SS. Resistance is key. The local police are the Minutemen.

Residents of Louisiana must also resist. We can finally dispense with tiresome platitudes about "supporting the troops". We know what works from Iraq - improvised explosive devices. Use them. Go after the soft-targets if you have to - mercenaries like the Red Cross and Salvation Army. They aren't in Louisiana because of orders, or because they are there trying to help the people make Louisiana a better place. They are there to deliver relief for profit. Screw them.

Impeachment is insufficient (yeah, like we really want Cheney in charge). This government must be overthrown. They have already torn up the Constitution by declaring war on us.

If they want an "insurrection", let's give them one.


(ugh, it's gonna take a few showers to feel clean again after that...)
Posted by: LagunaDave at September 9, 2005 11:17 AM

When lefties can write parodies that read like Weekly Standard or National Review pieces, then they will have learned. Of course, having learned, I don't think they'd be lefties anymore...

No comments: