Friday, June 29, 2012

The Logic Of Roberts

Roberts: Hey, Congress, tell me about your shiny new law!

Congress: Well, under this law, three times a day citizens have to go to the nearest street corner, get on all fours, and bark like a dog! After this, they have to eat a Milk-Bone dog biscuit out of a special bowl. Then they're required to beg for another one! Milk-Bone dog biscuits build strong teeth and promote a shiny coat!

Roberts: Now, wait just a gosh darned minute, Congress! Under the Constitution we have a government of strictly limited, enumerated powers! Where do you find the authority to force citizens to do such a thing?

Congress: Uhhh...wait a sec....uhhhhhhh.....The Commerce Clause! If citizens don't eat their dog biscuits, that negatively affects the puppy snack/chew toy industry. As you know, puppy snacks are at the very focus of the President's vision!

Roberts: Dude, WTF? Are you serious, are you serious? You can't use the Commerce Clause as cover for any tyrannical, cockamamie thing you want to force the citizenry to do! Those days are now officially over! There's a new sheriff in town, bitch! Get out of my courtroom!

Congress: oh. sorry. you know, we were going to levy a fine and everything against anyone who wouldn't bark like a dog and eat their biscuit. But maybe you're right, I guess....

Roberts: A fine? SHOOT, AMIGO, THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO SAY!!! You see, a fine is just a tax, and you guys are allowed to tax! Your law now has the Supreme Court Seal of Approval (machine washable and suitable for framing)!! Give the citizens their bowls and have a nice day!

Congress: ???

Roberts: Woof! Woof!

Congress: ?

Roberts: Woof!

Congress: Good Doggie!

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